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She is young, but she joins them in the hunt.
The pack runs fast, they run close.  The work is hard.
The world wars with them.  She bears equal brunt.

She takes a wound, a friend applies a shunt.
She slipped.  She is skilled, but her pride is scarred.
She is young, but she joins them in the hunt.

They must finish their work, she stays on the front.
To her packmates, her name has not been marred.
The world wars with them.  She bears equal brunt.

Others hate them.  They drop it with a grunt.
She loves her pack.  That passion keeps her guard.
She is young, but she joins them in the hunt.

From an ally there can be no affront.
Boundless affection each to each untarred.
The world wars with them.  She bears equal brunt.

Their muscles burn.  She is strong for a runt.
They are wolves.  With their pack they are uncharred.
She is young, but she joins them in the hunt.

They have their pack.  They do not need the blunt
evil and stupid world that would have them tarred.
She is young, but she joins them in the hunt
The world wars with them.  She bears equal brunt.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License.
:iconpyrosim:

Author's Comments

For my daughter, Nova.

Comments


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:icondreams-of-wings:
Ooh, I really like this. You've got a nice rhyme scheme going on and the words paint vivid images. The only thing I can think to change is that you may want to change "stupid" in the phrase "evil and stupid world" to "foolish" or something that fits the rest a bit better. That's just my opinion, though, it's good as it is! :)

Keep up the great work! :aww:

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気持ち悪い。
:iconpyrosim:
Thank you! And a :+fav:! Hm... thanks for the suggestion, but I don't think 'foolish' quite makes the right point. It's too... kind. She does not forgive the world for threatening her pack. She loathes it, and it pretty much burn for what she cares. 'Stupid' is a mean and angry word, almost like I would call the world 'ugly'. I'd be just as happy to go with 'brutish' or 'wicked', maybe even literally 'ugly', but I want to make the point that the world can shove it. >.>

Thank you very much!
:icondreams-of-wings:
Haha, yeah, that makes sense. Thanks for explaining!

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気持ち悪い。
:iconbananabread:
I liked the poem! w00tnessss. but I didn't know you had a daughter...>.< *feels dumb*

but really good poem! I like your choice of words.

--
"on risque de pleurer si l'on s'est laisse apprivoiser" -Le Renard dans Le Petit Prince
:iconpyrosim:
I don't, as such.

Thanks for the :+fav:!
:iconbananabread:
joor welcome

--
"on risque de pleurer si l'on s'est laisse apprivoiser" -Le Renard dans Le Petit Prince

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November 26, 2007
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